I've been enjoying watching Mary Carillo at the Olympics, where she's been trading witticisms with Bob Costas and gamely carrying the torch through the most remote stretch of arctic Canada. All these years I just assumed that Mary Carillo, she of deep voice and broad shoulders, was a lesbian. And it's not just because of the aforementioned baritone and athletic build. No, I have something that stops just short of evidence, which is that I saw Mary Carillo—French Open doubles champion and celebrated broadcaster—walking down Commercial Street in Ptown a few summers ago. It was just a few weeks after Wimbledon, and, as you might know, I had spent that fortnight listening to Mary's expansive vocabulary and emotive tendencies. So when I saw her cutting a tall sapphic figure down the gayest street in America, I called out, "Hey Mary, great job at Wimbledon!" and, in response, she smiled and waved.Considering all this, I was confused, as I so often am in these matters, to recently find out it's not widely known and publicly established that Mary Carillo is a big, fat lesbian. She apparently was married to a man for almost 20 years and has two children. Not that lesbians can't be married with children, but they tend not to be married to men. Of course I know that there are plenty of women who come out late in life. I celebrate that fact. But the thing that confuses me is, why didn't anyone just simply state the obvious earlier in life, such as: "Sir, I'm sorry to tell you this, but your wife is a lesbian." Or, to the woman herself, "Girl, the reason you are having such strong feelings about your [colleague, roommate, best friend, barista] is because you have a crush on her—because you are a lesbian."
Welcome to the party, Mary. No matter how late you arrive, it's good to have you here.
