Objective reality is dead. We are just guests at the wake.

The Portland Police Department have closed the investigation of charges against Al Gore for sexual assault against a massage therapist for an incident that happened in 2006. The public would be completely unaware of this except for the National Enquirer. Over at my other blog, It's News 2 Them™, I have followed the headlines they have had about Al and the therapist. I point you toward this link from the middle of the story, which has a further link to an investigation by Talking Points Memo, a center-left political news blog.

The Enquirer got a Pulitzer nomination for their work on the John Edwards story. This isn't the worst major award mistake in my lifetime. Henry Kissinger has a Nobel Peace Prize, for pity's sake. In my lifetime, Around the World in 80 Days, The Sound of Music, Rocky, Ordinary People, Dances With Wolves, Braveheart, Crash and Slumdog Millionaire were Best Picture winners. The Pulitzer's mistake was just a nomination and not a win, but it ranks right up there with these other mistakes.

I've only been reading the tabloids closely for about seven months now and only the covers, but I'm a quick study. Some of the supermarket rags have reporters who do a good job, but many of the headline writers are grotesque hacks. They are happy to put people in jail who haven't even been charged yet, and in the case of Al Gore, it looks like he'll never be charged in this case. The Portland Police decided the woman's story wasn't credible, and though the Enquirer denies it, the Portland Police say the woman was paid by the Enquirer. In such a case, I believe the Portland Police.

None of this matters a whit. There are people who hate Al Gore and will believe with all their hearts that this was a whitewash and a miscarriage of justice. More than that, they will believe that Al Gore's alleged inability to control his penis is proof that Anthropogenic Climate Change is just a figment of evil people's imaginations.


Before you think this is an indictment of right wing stupidity, let's recall the story that brought the National Enquirer out of the wilderness, their exposé of the drug habits of Rush Limbaugh. By bribing Limbaugh's maid, they got a lot of the details correct about his Oxycontin use. On tape, he told the people who were his middlemen to keep silent or he would be in jail.

They didn't keep silent. He admitted his addiction and went into rehab. Charges were filed against him by the police of doctor shopping to get more pills than a single prescription would fill. He did get thousands of pills in the space of a few months, so the facts looked to be incontrovertible. He hired a big scary lawyer, Roy Black. The district attorneys in Palm Beach allowed him to plead not guilty in exchange for court ordered supervision for 18 months after a three year investigation.

In the eyes of the law, Mr. Limbaugh is a free man. This does not stop some people from thinking he is just a rich person who gamed our now decrepit and corrupt legal system.

In much the same way, but with the split being racial instead of political, the legal system letting both Kobe Bryant and Michael Jackson free are seen as either wise use of the court's power or the end of civilization as we know it.

If you have a particular prejudice, then you are a niche and someone will scratch you. On the Internet, on TV, in the newspapers, there is someone who will tell you what you want to hear, no matter what happens. Obama crushes McCain in a landslide? This is a major victory for a Republican splinter group that will call itself the Tea Party. Even more evidence is present about global warming? The polls can show that the public is turning against the idea.

Science is just "theory", much weaker than its modern rival "conjecture". After all, science said bumblebees can't fly. Stupid, stupid scientists.

In brief, objective reality is dead. We are just guests at the wake.

Parsing the Pittsburgh Pirates Trade Deadline Moves

Despite assurances that this year would be different, that there would be no salary dumps, no last second flurry of activity, the Pirates were particularly active yesterday, a veritable cacophony of roster moves, dumps, shifts and maybe even a couple of good trades. (Hey, they have made some good trades in the past. I remember how hot I was about them sending Nyjer Morgan to the Nats for Lastings Milledge and Joel Hanrahan. Milledge has given the Pirates as much as Morgan did (at least), while Hanrahan (when coupled with the below move) is the Pirates best reliever. So they get some things right. Sometimes. Ignore the knee brace in the corner. Thanks.)

First, there was the depressing move and let's go there first. According to the great Dejan Kovacevic at the Post-Gazette, the Pirates sent Octavio Dotel to the Dodgers.

What'd they get for Dotel? Two minor leaguers, James McDonald and Andrew Lambo.

McDonald is a right-handed pitcher and, according to Baseball Reference, he was drafted in 2002 and is now 26 years old - downright decrepit for a "prospect." I know we're all too quick to judge players these days and some guys take time to develop, but really? A guy who has been in the system since 2002, with an ERA this year of 8.22? C'mon. I don't even want that guy to toss me a soda at a picnic, let alone come into an actual major league baseball game.

Lambo is a left-handed outfielder and though he's only hitting .271 in Chattanooga this year, he looks to be a legit prospect. At the very least, he's only 22 years old, so you know, the Pirates have that going for them.

Maybe one of those guys will work out, but I really liked Dotel. He will be missed around here. Along with Andrew McCutchen and Neil Walker, he was among the most reliable guys on the team. And as we all know, "Buccos" and "reliability" have feuding for nearly two decades now.

Second, they sent relief pitcher D.J. Carrasco, outfielder Ryan Church, and infielder Bobby Crosby to Arizona. What'd they get from Arizona?

Most importantly, the Pirates picked up catcher Chris Snyder which means that there will be very few opportunities for Dr. Strangeglove, Ryan Doumit. This, I believe is a good thing. First of all, Doumit is one more concussion away from playing shuffleboard for the rest of his life and second, there's something about him that just bugs. He puts me in mind of all those guys who played here who were just so listless, so nonchalant, so above it all. Doumit is not roaming around in Operation Shutdown territory, but seems to live the second coming of the Pat Meares Experience (tm) (#7 on the countdown). So, less time for Doumit is going to be a good thing for the Pirates. I've been screaming for a better, more seasoned catcher around here and this is a good first step in that direction. That said, Snyder is no Manny Sanguillen.

They also got minor-league short stop, Pedro Ciriaco. Meh.

And, most importantly, they got $3 mill in cash money.

Lastly, they sent relief pitcher Javier Lopez to the San Francisco Giants. What'd they get for that? Two more minor leaguers.

Joe Martinez, a right-handed starting pitcher who is (are they serious with this stuff?) 27 years old with an ERA of 4.91 this year. Oh well, he looks to be better than the guy they got from the Dodgers. Maybe.

And they got John Bowker, another old (by baseball standards for a prospect) outfielder. I'll be kinda surprised if they get anything from either of these guys, but even a blind pig gets an acorn sometimes. I have zero inkling what was going on for them with this deal. It's not like Lopez made a lot of Bucco bucs.

Perhaps the most interesting move of the day was a non-move. The Pirates didn't move left-handed pitcher Paul Maholm, which I think that was a good sign. Moving Maholm have been an obvious salary dump. Unless they were gonna get Jose Bautista back. (Don't remind me.)