The Return of the Jagr-Bomb?

Don't look now, but the Jaromir Jagr hockey sweepstakes are on.

Hey wait. What year is this? Did I wake up in 1990 again?

Damn. I hate when that happens.

Nope, it is 2011. I checked.

And it looks like, after three years playing for the Avangard Omsk of the Kontinental Hockey League, Jagr wants to come back to the NHL. Currently, the Pittsburgh Penguins are in pursuit, as are the Detroit Red Wings and the Philadelphia Flyers (although, with all the craziness in Philadelphia, I'm not sure they can get it together to properly woo the scoring Czech.)


The Penguins pursuit of Jagr is intriguing to say the least, opening up a whole can of worms with so many questions:

Do the Pittsburgh fans want him back? Or would they hold a grudge over the way he sulked in his last season here?

Does Jagr have enough in the tank to be worthwhile?

How would he impact team chemistry?

Will he grow back his mega-mullet if we ask nicely? [Really, this 'do has to go into the Hall of Fame of Mullets-- this thing is to mullets what Louis Armstrong is to jazz.]

Yeah, he's ten years older than he was when the Pens shipped him off to DC in a preemptive salary dump [the Capitals promptly signed him to a new contract, a (then) ridiculous seven year $77 million dollar deal that the Pens could never have afforded.] It was just a bottom line thing, and I expect, had they been able to keep the greatest player in franchise history not named Mario Lemieux, they would have. The guy had 52 goals in his last year in Pittsburgh -- he was a production machine and the only the player not named Mario Lemieux to score 1,000 points in a Pens sweater.

He's an older guy now, no longer the cornerstone of a franchise or a 50 goal scorer, but I think he can still supply about 25 goals per season. Consider, the only Penguin to score more than 25 goals last season was Sid, and he was out for the last three months. Even with all the injuries, the Penguins were right on the heels of the Flyers in the regular season standings and Jagr dropping 25 goals and about 50 or 60 points would go a long way towards surpassing them.

As to the fans, if Jagr can be as effective as I think he can be, all will be forgiven, and quickly. In fact, the first time he nets a goal from an impossible angle, the first time he bulls through a defender at the blue line, the lovefest will be on in full force. In fact, the revisionist history figures to be spectacular, with every fan from Freeport to Monessen claiming that they always loved Jaromir Jagr, even through that last season when he moped and whined like a cranky little kid who had too much funnel cake at the school picnic at Kennywood. (In truth, he was annoying back then, perhaps a touch immature, but nobody ever doubted his talent or his value to the team on the ice.)

Jagr is now 39 years old and who knows if he could be a first line guy all the time. Probably not. And I don't see him breaking any scoring records, but wouldn't it be nice to deploy him on Sid's line from time to time? Disco Dan Bylsma loves to shift his lines in the middle of games and he often sends Crosby out there with Evgeni Malkin at the start of a period or in the waning moments. He could, from time to time, send Jagr out there with Crosby, too. Heck, with Crosby and Malkin together.

We've all been clamoring for a proper scoring winger since Sir Sidney arrived. Every year, somebody tries to step into that role -- Mark Recchi, Gary Roberts, Ryan Malone, Marian Hossa, Billy Guerin, Chris Kunitz. Hossa's long gone and way too expensive for the Penguins anyway. As much as I love Guerin, he's also long gone. I'm a Kunitz fan, but there's no question that Jagr is a better pure scorer.

Those are all compelling reasons to try to work a deal, but the single most compelling reason that I'm hoping Mario and Ray Shero work some magic and get Jagr back in a Penguins sweater is that it would get their anemic power play healthy in a hurry. They were embarrassing through the season -- even with Sid and Geno were healthy. Without those two in the playoffs, I don't even like to think about it:  seven games, 35 power play opportunities, one goal. Ya think they could have used Jagr against the Tampa Bay Lightning?

Jagr may be old, and this may be his last hurrah, but he's a sniper and he still has one of the filthiest wristers on the planet.

In short, please come back, Jaromir, and bring those nasty shots with you. The mullet is negotiable.

[Pics from: New York Times, penguinslegends.blogspot.com]

15 Things to Love about the 2010-2011 Pittsburgh Penguins

With the season at a close, the bitter disappointment of losing in the playoffs lingering on our pierogi-loving palates, there is still so much to be thankful for. Its pretty easy to be a Penguins fan and I was thinking about that when I ran across Michael Farber's 20 Things to Love about Hockey at Sports Illustrated.

Here are 15 Things I loved about this past season (of course, I could make a long list of things not to love about this season, leading off with the inconsistency of the disciplinary action of the NHL, but that's for another day perhaps.)

1. 24/7. If you say you didn't love every bleeping second of '24/7' I'll dispatch Steve Downie to make a dangerous run at you (not that that would cause the NHL to suspend him, mind you.)

The HBO crews did an incredible job of filming and putting together a cohesive narrative in zero time flat. I know Pittsburgh fans hate Alex Ovechkin, but I found that he had a certain, strangely appealing rakish quality. He's really the guy I love to hate, unlike guys who I hate-hate (say Zdeno Chara or Steve Downie.) No, the hockey world is a much more entertaining one with Ovie in it. How wonderful for us that the Penguins and Capitals set up so beautifully as diametrically opposed teams. On the one hand, you've got Dan Bylsma's business cool demeanor juxtaposed against Bruce Boudreau; Ovie, with his tattooed, Eurotrash badboy thing contrasted with Sidney Crosby. The Pens franchise with three Stanley Cups and the Caps with their history as choking dogs (per Tony Kornheiser.) Thank you, hockey gods. Thank you.

2. The Build-Up to the Winter Classic. With the Winter Classic upon us, I was dispatched to the Strip District to get some 'wedding' kielbassi from S & D Polish Deli. (If you haven't had it, the wedding kielbassi is twice smoked and the best damned kielbassi I've ever had in my life. Hands down. Go. Get some. Now!) It was the usual Strip day -- T-shirt vendors all cranked up with a myriad of Winter Classic and Penguins T's available (plus lots of riffs on 'Obitchkin' and what have you), bodies jammed into PennMac, lines out the door at DeLuca's. The best part was, as Dickie Dunn might say, the spirit of the thing.

3. Sid's scoring streak. Cheesy mustache notwithstanding, that was one helluva ride. 25 games with at least one point and 26 goals in that time period. As we used to say about Mario -- Magnificent. We are lucky bunch of yinzers to get to watch this guy on a regular basis.

4. Flower Power. No question Marc-Andre Fleury struggled early. No question he lays an occasional stink bomb from time to time. But there is no single player more responsible for their heroic run to the post-season than Fleury. At times, he makes it look effortless. At other times, you marvel at his ability to change directions, get from one side of the crease to the other. The guy keeps getting better and was frankly hosed that he wasn't even a finalist for the Vezina Trophy. At least the fans got it, after the Game 7 loss to Tampa, with chants of "Fleury! Fleury!" raining down on the ice. Thanks, Pittsburgh. Thanks for getting it.

5. The win streak. Twelve is better than Eleven. I view that as a hockey koan for the ages.

6. The Penalty Kill from Hell. None were better than the Penguins penalty kill, effective 86.1% of the time in the regular season. They were so good at it that there were times, sick as I am, I was actually excited for the Pens to go on the kill. (Good thing, too, because the Pens were short-handed 324 times -- second in the NHL right behind Montreal.) Still, it was a strange thing of beauty to watch, that penalty kill -- bodies flying, men taking pucks in their faces and shoulders and feet, Fleury making impossible stops. It was like watching a two-minute version of "300." Only with more plot and better dialogue.

7. The Kids Are All Right. Testy, Conner, Jeffrey, Lovejoy and Tangradi. For a while there, the Penguins had to run a daily shuttle bus to Wilkes-Barre to replenish the troops. And the young guys, all of them, performed admirably. The best of the bunch, I think, was Ben Lovejoy. He also gave me one of my favorite moments of '24/7' with his, "we're going to find the guys who did this and, probably do nothing about it" comment.

8. Eggo laying out Colton Orr. Hypocrite much? Me? Guilty as charged. I'm not a fan of hockey fights. I think the league can and should do away with them, as well as ALL shots to the head. (I'm actually getting tired of writing about the league's need to consistently, seriously clamp down on head shots.) But I have to admit, my inner Ulf Sammuelson came out in full-throated appreciation when Deryk Engelland dropped Colton Orr like a side of beef. Night, night, Colton.

9. The Killer M's, Martin and Michalek. Ray Shero always does a good job in the off-season, but the additions of Paul Martin and Zbynek Michalek were two of his very finest signings. No way on earth do the Pens finish the season with 106 points and just miss winning their division by an eyelash without these guys.

10. The New Barn. Okay, I fess up. I like old stuff. I am a proper Pittsburgher, always suspicious of change. So I worried that the new place would be too nice, encourage too many suits, and be quieter than the old place where we could be ourselves in the rough and ramshackle, dingy but comfy atmosphere of the Igloo. But Consol is awesome. It is really loud and bright, with great sight lines and, though it is new and shiny, we're still all packed in there. And the fans are still the same fans as before. It feels broken in already -- a good thing. Plus, there's a Tim Horton's on the 200 level. Mmmmm ... donuts.

11. Mario's TV. Chicago has their hockey song (great), and Detroit has the squid (bizarre but great), but Pittsburgh has Mario's TV. I love that fans pack in to sit outside, in the shadow of the old barn, to watch the game. I love that we call it 'Mario's TV.' I love that it is representative of what Pittsburghers have long understood intuitively -- sports are no good if they are not shared experiences. If you meet somebody who doesn't love Mario's TV, tell them, "It's a Pittsburgh thing. You wouldn't understand."

12. The maturation of TK. Tyler Kennedy skates hard every shift. He has always done that. After Sid and Geno went down, it looked to me like he tried to do more. Not that he tried to do too much, but that he was doing more. He is a player who has really come into his game, understands what he can do, what he needs to do, and what his line-mates can do. It's a joy to watch a player like that.

13. Disco Dan. If this guy doesn't win the Jack Adams' Trophy, I'm going to demand on a congressional investigation. I always feel confident with Bylsma behind the bench. I'll take my chances with him any day.

14. James Neal's OT. Sure, the euphoria was short-lived, but tell me you weren't up, jumping up and down and shouting in pure, unadulterated joy when Neal sent that puck in over Dwayne Roloson's right shoulder in the second overtime of Game 4 in Tampa?
15. 2011-2012 Season. It's my thinking that the Penguins -- the guys who were able to suit up and play in the absence of Crosby and Malkin -- will be that much better next year. I think they learned about themselves and how to win without two of the best players on the planet. Assuming Sid and Geno are healthy and ready to go next year, the Penguins should be that much better, poised to make a serious run at Sir Stanley. Also, it should be fun to watch. Perhaps Timbuk 3 said it best.

See you in the fall, Puckheads.

[24/7 image from hockey-news-central.blogspot.com; Fleury image and Engelland & Orr image both from Justin K. Aller/Getty Images; Sid & Geno from Yahoo Sports.]

NBC's Grade for the Winter Classic: F. Minus. Minus.

I've been meaning to write about the Winter Classic for days now, specifically to write about how much it sucked. No, I don't mean the result (although, for me, that did suck) or the effort of the Penguins (although that, too, largely sucked), and while it genuinely sucks to lose to the Capitals, what's been bugging me was the absolutely historic levels of suck of NBC's production of the game, an effort so tragic it was given a 10 in suck from the Russian judge, and was also deemed a bigger failure by TMZ than Britney Spears' 48 hour marriage to Jason Alexander.

I'm fairly certain a bunch of kids from CAPA would have done a better job producing the game.

I've seen better filmed high school football games on local yokel stations in East Jabeebers, Pa.

NBC. No Broadcasting Competence.

Just this week, I was talking to one of my best friends who happens to be a fan of metal. And by metal, I mean seriously metallic metal, like Norwegian death metal. While I imagine that having somebody drill through my shin with a high speed drill and a mortar bit would be only slightly less pleasant than listening to more than than 10 seconds of Norwegian death metal, the metal thing is his thing and I have to admit I kinda love him for it. Knowing this about him, I foolishly sent him a link to a Kid Cudi video. He responded that it was perhaps the very worst music he had ever heard in his life. This from the man who listens to music that makes small woodland creatures commit suicide by flinging themselves into the mouths of raptors.

Why does he like it music that makes my eardrums ache just to think about? Beats me. Why do I like the soul revival? I have not a clue. But should he start listening to different music because I like it? Should I start collecting Carpathian Forest records because he does? Am I a closed-minded person because I don't like metal? Is he a bad person because he doesn't like rap? It's all subjective. Neither one of us is wrong. We just shouldn't take any long road trips together, or there will be blood.

All of which is my roundabout way of saying I have no desire to listen to Doc Emrick ever call a hockey game, under any circumstance. Ever. Emrick is the equivalent of black metal/death metal to my ears.

I have no doubt that Emrick has forgotten more about hockey than I'll ever know. He's spent his entire life around the game. His love for the sport is obvious. In short, I think he's a pretty good guy, a fan of hockey and his heart is in the right place, but ...

The sound of his voice, the fact that he ratchets his delivery up to slapshot levels for a simple dump and chase, that he's so excitable listening to him is the equivalent of reading an email written IN ALL CAPS! LOL! LOL! His delivery has all the subtlety of a carload of squealing teenagers hopped up on Red Bull.

That said, Emrick is a competent announcer and the New Year's Day broadcast was one of the worst I've ever heard. I'm going to lay that at the feet of the NBC production team. I'm sure the last pre-production meeting went something like this:

"Now, Doc, you know, it's raining and we're OUTSIDE. Out! Side!"

"I know we're outside. It's the Winter Classic. By definition, it's held outside."

"Right, right. But, Doc, I don't think you understand. It's outside, see. And there's weather. It's kinda warm. And its supposed to rain. And we're outside for that! So, you know, I want you to hit that."

"How much? I mean, how often do you want me to mention it?"

"Every single time you open your mouth."

"You're kidding?"

"No. Dead serious. Talk about the weather the whole time. Okay guys, let's go. Good show tonight! Good show!"

Then there was the actual filming. I realize there are limitations in terms of filming at Heinz Field, versus the Consol Center or even the old barn, but on at least 15 occasions, the cameras lost track of the action altogether. They also deployed some weird, swooping fish eye lens from time to time. And they kept returning to an overhead shot that was so far from the ice, I think the camera was placed on Mars. Did anybody involved ever work a hockey game before? Even another sporting event? It looked like they just pulled the crew who usually films "The Biggest Loser," paid them in Power Bars and smoothies and set them to work.

To think, this is the game that the NHL thinks can hook new fans. Maybe it would hook fans of overwrought, self-indulgent indie film, but not anybody who has any interest in actually, you know, watching a sporting event.

The Pens play the Lightning tonight. Mercifully, the game is on FSN Pittsburgh. Sweet relief.

Caps Coach Bruce Boudreau's F-Bomb Rant from the First Epi of HBO's '24/7'

What follows is an exact transcript of Boudreau's rant delivered to his team between the 2nd and 3rd periods of the Caps December 9th game versus the Florida Panthers. The wonderful camera crews were hard at work to capture this coaching genius for the HBO series, "24/7".

Needless to say, parental discretion is advised:

Have a seat for a second. Look it, I have never seen a bunch of guys look so fucking down when something bad happens. What are you guys? Like prima donna perfect that if you can't fuckin' handle adversity? So shit's not going right. It's not fucken' working the last ten days. Fucking get your heads out of your ass and fucking make it work by outworking the opposition. You kill two fucking men, and then we stand around and watch while they fucking score here. Fucking yous come to the bench like fuckin' this and when the power play it's not working so you're trying to stick handle, you're looking like this and not standing. Outwork the fucking guys! If you want it, don't just think you want it. Go out and fucking want it. But you're not looking like you want it, you look like you're feeling sorry for yourself. And nobody fucking wants anybody that's feeling sorry for themselves. You got 20 fucking minutes. You're down by one fucking shot. Surely to fuck we can deal with this.

Now that, my friends, is motivation.

NHL 2010 Playoffs: Capitals Eliminated by Canadiens

From True/Slant on April 29, 2010:

Ovechkin and the Capitals humiliated by the Canadiens in the first round of the NHL playoffs

Image by wfyurasko via Flickr
The reviews of the Washington Capitals’ 2010 post-season are in. They are … let’s put it this way, if the Caps post-season were a Broadway show, it would close immediately, never to be revived:

Scott Burnside at ESPN says,

"Call it heart or soul or character or whatever you want, but the Capitals don’t seem to have it. And until they find it, it’s hard to imagine there won’t be more of these shocking conclusions in the nation’s capital."


Tracee Hamilton at the Washington Post says,

"But the day before Game 7, Ovechkin skipped the optional skate. Nearly everyone else showed up. Semin was also a no-show. One might have thought he could use the practice. One might have thought his captain would tell him so. But it’s hard to lead by example when you’re not in the building. It’s a small thing, but it’s not, not in team sports."


Dan Rosen at NHL.com says

"Suffice to say, Ovechkin has not had a good last two months.

He was supposed to lead his country to a medal in Vancouver, but they fell flat against Team Canada and departed Vancouver with nothing hanging around their necks but shame. Ovechkin was also caught on video shoving a cameraperson and criticized for not being forthcoming with the English media in Vancouver.

He was supposed to lead the Capitals to the first Stanley Cup in team history, or at the very least to the Stanley Cup Final. They couldn’t make it out of the first round against a team that couldn’t even win when it had to in order to make the playoffs."

Sarah Kwak at Sports Illustrated says:

"While Halak’s performance made the upset possible, it was the team around him that made it happen. Clearing pucks around the crease, skillfully blocking shots with pressure instead of blinding screens, the Canadiens offered more evidence to support the old sports adage, “Offense wins games; defense wins championships.”

That’s what Blue Jackets forwardR.J. Umbergerwas alluding to when he called the Capitals out for their go-go style, saying, “They play the wrong way. They want to be moving all the time. They float around in their zone, looking for breakaways and odd-man rushes. … A good defensive team is going to beat them (in the playoffs). If you eliminate your turnovers and keep them off the power play, they’re going to get frustrated because they’re in their zone a lot.” Umberger’s got a future in coaching — or clairvoyance."

Hockey’s best player, Penguins captain, Sidney Crosby, hasn’t spoken about it. He’s far too dignified and polite to honk his own horn by comparison to the Great Eight (irony intended). No doubt Sid is a better person than I am, so maybe he’s not enjoying the shame and ignominy of Ovechkin, Bruce Boudreau & Company.

But I wonder, if somewhere deep inside Sid the Kid, far from the prying eyes of the media, and even his teammates, if he doesn’t have a tiny little envy monkey who is whispering, “Told you so. Told you Ovie is not the best player in hockey. Neener, neener, neener.”

I kinda hope he is.

Meanwhile, Boudreau and Ovie have to live with this gem on their resumes: A No. 1 seed had never blown a three-games-to-one lead to a No. 8 seed since the current playoff format was adopted in 1994. First time for everything, I guess.

Is anybody else enjoying this as much as I am?

NHL 2010 Playoffs: Capitals Teetering on the Brink of Elimination

From True/Slant on April 28, 2010:

Paging Mr. Ovechkin: Time to put up or shut up in the Stanley Cup Playoffs

Image by Getty Images via Daylife
Good teams win games. Great teams, teams with designs on flying championship banners over center ice, win games with power, elan and dash. And they also win ugly games when they have to.

Last night, in Game 7 of the Western Conference first round playoff with the Phoenix Coyotes, the Detroit Red Wings proved their championship mettle. Backed into a corner like a feral, dare I say it, coyote, the Wings attacked. They did what championship teams do. They scored on the power play, created opportunities on the penalty kill and crashed the net. Finally, they reached inside of the chest cavity of Ilya Bryzgalov, ripped out his heart and smashed it into terrine of coyote offal right there at center ice.

The big stars, the names we all know — Henrik Zetterberg, Nicklas Lidstrom and Pavel Datsyuk — led Detroit’s way. There’s a reason these guys are perennial all-stars who have played in the Stanley Cup Final two years in a row.

Meanwhile, over in the east, the reigning Stanley Cup champs, my Pittsburgh Penguins, crushed the hopes and dreams of the Ottawa Senators with an overtime victory in game 6 on Saturday night to move on to the second round. The Pens did that on a night when their big stars were quiet. Without Evgeni Malkin, Sidney Crosby or Marc-Andre Fleury making their typical SportsCenter highlight reel plays, Pittsburgh’s grinders picked up the slack. Matt Cooke, Pascal Dupuis and Billy Guerin (at this point in his career, Guerin has to be considered a grinder), came through in the crunch. None of those guys are household names. Well, outside of Pittsburgh.

But both games illustrate that great teams, like the Pens and the Red Wings, find a way. Sometimes it’s in the stars and sometimes it’s the role players shine. Some games are master strokes of artwork. And others are misshapen, grunting, calloused beasts of burden. But they are champs, because they can win any which way you want to play it.

Tonight, with the Washington Capitals hosting the upstart Montreal Canadiens in a deciding game 7, we’ll see if the Caps have the heart of a champion.

You can go through the line up. On paper, this may be the most talented team in hockey. (I kinda feel like those draft “experts” judging talent on paper like that. It made me all, like, tingly. Now I know what it must feel like to style Mel Kiper’s hair.) The point is – Alex Ovechkin, Mike Knuble, Brooks Laich, Alex Semin, Eric Fehr, Nicklas Backstrom — this is the time for those guys to step up. Mike Green, too.

I know that shooting the puck at Montreal’s Jaroslav Halak is like firing a b.b. gun at the Berlin Wall right now, but shoot they must. More than that, Washington needs to play ugly, create chaos in front of Halak, make him uncomfortable and disrupt his vision and timing. They need to plant themselves in front of the net and get dirty goals. It’s no fun playing in front of the net. It’s hard work and it takes a lot out of a player.

The Caps haven’t done much of that – setting up in front of the net, that is. They fired 54 shots at Halak on Monday night, nearly a shot a minute, which would be impressive, except that I counted only a dozen of those shots that came from anywhere in the vicinity of the net. Pathetic.

The Red Wings set up in front of net. They’ve gotten to two Cup finals by planting themselves in front of the opposing goalies long enough for a fan to hit the bathroom, buy a pretzel and make it back to her seat at the Joe before one of the red suited beasts are dislodged. They camp out in front of goalies. The Penguins, a team loaded with beautiful outside shooters, will crash the net when need be. Exhibit A — Matt Cooke’s two goal game on Saturday.

The Capitals have been remarkably unphysical, unwilling to park in front of the net and unwilling or unable to hit, too. The team leader in hits this series is Ovie with 20 hits in six games (a testament to him, because scoring wingers are not usually the guys laying out the biggest hits), but a pathetic reflection on the rest of the Capitals and their allergy to going to the body. Of all the Caps defensemen, Mike Green has the most hits with 14. Compare that to Brooks Orpik with 32 or Brad Stuart with 27. No wonder these guys have to play a game 7 in the first round.

The Stanley Cup playoffs is like a series of exams. If you pass the first test, your reward is to take the second test.

The Capitals, the “best” team in the East, an unstoppable force that seemed to score at will gets exam number one tonight against the Canadiens. So, what’s it going to be Mr. Ovechkin? Are you guys true contenders? Are you willing to put your heads down, hit everything that moves, muck it up in the corners for the puck, absorb cross-checks to create opportunities in front of Halak and do all the less fun, unglamorous work necessary to win?