Funny Grrrls

Today's topic, suggested by another super sexy reader, is this: The persistent and annoying myth of the humorless lesbian. I know, I know. It's such a bore. But, alas, the stereotype does persist. Recently I watched a few minutes of a very bad movie on Logo, and even a film about gay men contained a cheap shot at so-called humorless lesbians. Why is this so? I think we should approach this problem two ways: 1. We will refute the myth with examples of lesbians who are funny, and 2. We can examine why this specious criticism began and in whose interest it endures.

First things first. Let's establish the truth. Lesbians are funny. In fact, I, the Sapphist Gazetteer, am officially funny, as I like to remind anyone within earshot when I'm grouchy. Indeed, I was voted Class Clown during my senior year in high school. There you have it. But if that is not enough evidence, let us consider the following list of some of the most celebrated comics of our time: Lily Tomlin, Ellen Degeneres, Jane Lynch, Wanda Sykes, Rosie O'Donnell, Sandra Bernhard, and, uh, Stamie. Out lesbians, all. (In case you forgot how funny Rosie was before she went off the rails, take a look at her in the old days doing standup.) And even when we look beyond the specific category of comedienne, we find lesbians and queer women in popular culture who are known for their comedic roles. They include: Cynthia Nixon (who won an Emmy for best supporting comedic actress on Sex and the City), Portia de Rossi (see her doing the chicken dance on Arrested Development), and Queen Latifah (have you seen Beauty Shop?)

Even if we go back a ways, we find queer women who are funny. Tallulah Bankhead, for example. Very funny. Very queer. And Patsy Kelly, who debuted on Broadway in the 1920s and had a long film and television career, including a role in one of my personal favorites Please Don't Eat the Daisies (with Doris Day!) and the original Freaky Friday (with Jodie Foster...) Patsy Kelly proudly called herself a dyke. And she's looking pretty cute in the cap and pea coat.

There are also countless other lesbians in the world of comedy who should not be overlooked. They include Lea DeLaria, comedienne and jazz singer, who was the first openly gay comic (male or female) to appear on national television in the US; Sara Gilbert from Roseanne—who has a new morning TV show called The Talk on CBS; Amanda Bearse from Married with Children. Alison Bechdel created the classic lesbian comic strip, Dykes to Watch Out For. And let's not forget the many, many hilarious lesbian stand-up comics: Kate Clinton, Julie Goldman, Marga Gomez, Vickie Shaw, Jennie McNulty, Suzanne Westenhoefer, etc. You get the picture, and I'm getting tired of making the list.

But perhaps the best piece of evidence I can throw at the humorless lesbian bullshit is Fran Lebowitz. Everyone should have a copy of her 1978 classic, Metropolitan Life, which somehow made it into my rural New Hampshire childhood home and gave me hope that I might escape my surroundings. In one piece, Fran examines the pros and cons of children. On the pro side, she writes: "Children do not sit next to one in restaurants and discuss their preposterous hopes for the future in loud tones of voice." On the downside, she writes: "Notoriously insensitive to subtle shifts in mood, children will persist in discussing the color of a recently sighted cement-mixer long after one's own interest in the topic has waned." Oh, it's still genius.

Now that we have established that lesbians are truly and officially funny, on to the next question: Why does this myth persist? In addition to the cheap shots present in gay boy films on Logo (tsk,tsk), I have to believe that part of the problem is straight people. Not to blame heterosexuals with broad brush strokes (after all, I do love many of them dearly), but it's possible that lesbians might be mistaken as humorless because we generally do not show appreciation for the Jackass series.

No longer hirsute under her suit?

One of my smart and gorgeous readers recently suggested a column idea on the topic of depilation: To shave or not to shave. For some of us, it's not a question. For others, it is. But what's interesting is that being unshaven does not seem to be the lesbo indicator it once was. Doesn't it seem like hairy legs and armpits were once an earthy territory traversed only by lesbians? In Armpit Hair, loud sapphist Alix Olson sings about the double standard of women needing to be hairless while men are accepted as furry (Alix raps: "I don't find that particularly pretty, so get your opinion out of my hairy pitty.") Alix's desire to have hairy pits seems a direct statement against the sexist standard of femininity imposed upon her by the patriarchy. But doesn't that stance almost seem like a throwback? All due respect to Alix Olson and the injustices of the patriarchy, of course. But these days, something else seems to be going on. Straight gals are going hairy, and lesbians are impeccably groomed. I have two pieces of empirical evidence, and by that I mean my anecdotal observations.

1. Young lesbians of today are much, much more groomed than those of a previous generation. Even the butches are plucking their eyebrows. Have you noticed this? It's true. In the last year or so I have made the acquaintance of two otherwise very butch young lesbians who have clearly put a lot of time and care into shaping their eyebrows. They wear a bit of eye makeup, even. Don't get me wrong. They look very nice. They are handsome young butches.
It's just not something you saw among the butches previously. Where did it come from? Is Shane imitating life, or is life imitating Shane? You see it even among our star butches. Rachel Maddow. Julie Goldman. It's clear these butches spend time in the salon. Unheard of a generation ago. Even the beloved Bearded Lady of Provincetown—famously unshaven—apparently is keeping her eyebrows shapely. By the way, I think you look great, Bearded Lady.

2. The second part of my argument is related to an arena I know of only through a lifetime of observation: Straight women. They seem to be going hairy. Tossing aside the customs of Betty Draper, some of them—still a minority—are hairy free spirits. Mo'Nique with her hairy legs at the Golden Globes. Julia Roberts waving a hairy underarm on the red carpet. Amanda Palmer flipping off the world with her pits. But the practice is not embraced by a mainstream that still wants its women hairless. A recent NYT article, Unshaven Women: Free Spirits or Unkempt?, said it was "brazen" to go unshaven in public. The article suggests there is a fear "that no man will want you and your hairy legs." So, despite everything, hairy female bodies are still seen as not heterosexual, and are, therefore, unwanted. Maybe Alix Olson is not such a throwback, after all.

Thick Necks

It has come to my attention that the Sapphist Gazetteer's "thick neck theory" is a fan favorite. (You know who you are.) The theory simply states that lesbians—typically butches—have a disproportionately higher likelihood of having thick, sexy necks. Here, then, is a closer examination of the evidence:

Mary Cheney

Julie Goldman

Ellen Degeneres

Rachel Maddow