But I never did like it all that much and one day, the axe just fell.

I got let go from the census today. I got the call this morning after my graveyard shift was over. I had hoped to last another week to try to overcome my general broke-assedness, but that was not to be.

My friend Mina Millett used to say she could stand anything for eight weeks. I lasted nine. My friend Mike Strickland warned me that I wouldn't enjoy it and he was right. Even so, I think I got in more hours this way than I would have as an enumerator.

For a lot of people in the office, $16.50 an hour (or $18.15 if working hours between 6 pm and 6 am) was a nice boost in pay. For me, it was about a quarter of what I make a teacher per hour and the work was deeply dull, while teaching is almost always an interesting challenge. Of course, the hourly rate for teaching doesn't factor in preparation, but still, I have no plans to leave academia for a career in office work.

To the nice folks I met, I wish you all the best. To my supervisors at the office, which has a small intersection with the nice folks, you'll be happy not to see me and I'll be happy not to see you.

And back to the broke-assedness, with the benefit of not working graveyard shift and riding my bike in the dark.

"So, have you had the census dream yet?"

I've been working for the U.S. Census for about a month now. I'm a clerk in the office and several of the people I trained with are working on shifts that overlap with mine. There's a lot of guys named John in the office, including one friendly guy from Alameda who was in the same training class as I was in. This particular John rides his bike to work, as do many others, so he and I have that in common as well.

Last week, John asked me if I had any dreams of working at the Census yet. When he asked, the answer was no, but this weekend, I had my first.


It was a dream about being at work without pants. You know, that dream.

But recently, I have noticed that I am quite the problem solver in dreams. It turns out I have my pants, I just forgot to put them on. So I duck into an empty room for some privacy, put my pants back on and hope as few people as possible saw me.

When I step back out, my supervisor and her supervisor are waiting for me. The room I stepped into to get dressed was a restricted area, and they have no choice but to let me go. "Was the problem that I wasn't wearing pants?" I ask. Oh, no, no, they both agree. Not wearing pants wasn't the problem, it was entering the restricted room. "I didn't know the room was restricted." That didn't matter, the rules are clear, I'd have to be terminated.

Then I woke up.

You know how if you die in your dream you die in real life? Not true. I've had falling dreams where I landed. Ow. So now I've had a dream in which I was fired, but I haven't actually lost my job. Those first few minutes after waking up were a little odd, though. My thoughts, in order were:

Oh, hell, I lost that job. I really need the cash.
Wait! It was just a dream.
I wasn't at work with no pants.
There is no restricted room that will get you fired.
Whew!
Oh, no! I'm not wearing pants!
Wait, that's okay. I just woke up. I don't wear pants when I'm sleeping.
Whew!

~

And so now I have had the census dream. I hope it's just one per customer.

Wherein the title of the post is given at the end, for surprise comic effect.

In 1996, during the resurgence of popularity of board and card games, James Ernest released Give Me The Brain, a fast paced card game about zombies working at a fast food restaurant. The idea of the game is to complete all your tasks so you can leave. Some tasks only require one hand, some require two hands or three hands, but the most difficult tasks require not just two hands but the brain. There is only one brain in the entire operation, so you have to win an auction to get the use of the brain.

Many minutes of jovial fun time could be shared by all.

Of course, I am not a zombie working at a fast food restaurant. I am a clerk with the 2010 United States Census. I don't even know why my new job would remind me of this game.

Okay, I'm lying. I know why.

Welcome to Census Week!