New York gets it right: Separate but equal is not the American way

Let's celebrate the passage of gay marriage in New York for the wonderful advancement in civil rights that it is. Let's thank NY Gov. Andrew Cuomo for being the champion of this cause. Let's recognize Rosie O'Donnell's hard-working brother, NY Assemblyman Daniel O'Donnell, for sponsoring the legislation. And let's also offer a very special congratulations to the lovely lesbians in Manhattan who are displaying their rings beside the historic front page of June 25th edition of The New York Times.

Now, let's also urge President Obama to recognize that he cannot be a true advocate for equal rights if he continues to oppose gay marriage. President Obama says his views are "evolving," and he recently has stated support for civil unions. While I appreciate that he is making some progress toward promoting equal rights for all American citizens, I am baffled that he cannot see how he is essentially promoting a "separate but equal" policy. As we know, the US Supreme Court in 1954 determined that this country cannot have separate but equal treatment of American citizens because separate is, in the words of the court, "inherently unequal" and a violation of the Constitution.

Let me offer yet another perspective on how far behind President Obama is in his reluctant and late support of civil unions: Republican candidate for president Gov. Jon Huntsman of Utah fought for civil unions in his state TWO YEARS AGO. And our Democratic president is just getting there now? And in sentiment only; he has sent no bill to Congress. Mr. President, it's time to move ahead of Republicans in your position on gay rights. Support equality. Support gay marriage. It's the American way.

We'll have no more of DADT

In celebration of President Obama's signature this morning on the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell, let's salute some of our favorite women in uniform. Obviously, our first salute goes out to all the brave lesbians who have served and are serving in the armed forces. President Obama said some remarkable things during the historic event this morning, including offering recognition that gays and lesbians were part of some of the US military's most important battles throughout history. And he recognized that gay soldiers did all this while being "asked to carry the additional burden of secrecy and isolation." President Obama also told a moving story of traveling to Afghanistan and meeting a female soldier—a lesbian, we can assume—who greeted him and pulled him into a hug. He said she whispered in his ear a plea to repeal DADT. Thank you, sister! Stay safe.
Since I don't have a photo of our brave sister serving in Afghanistan, we'll have to make do with the fictional characters of GI Jane—or, more accurately, Lieutenant Joran O'Neil played by an ultra-fit Demi Moore—and the unforgettable Private Vasquez from Aliens played by Jenette Goldstein. Vasquez was a badass Marine gunner who was part of the military unit that returned with Ripley to find the alien. One of my favorite lines of all time is Vasquez's response to a fellow Marine's trash talk about her butchness. He said, "Have you ever been mistaken for a man?" Vasquez replied, "No, have you?"

Thank you, Sarah Silverman. Please listen, President Obama.

We were all pretty shaken up by the suicide of Tyler Clementi last month. Many of us out in the world, away from the uncivilized behavior of dorm rooms and teenage callousness, forget the kind of hell that our gay younglings go through. I was reminded of it when I spoke to my campus Gay/Straight Alliance about two weeks after Clementi took his life. I was on a panel for Coming Out Week. The room was filled with young people who did not seem all that surprised by Clementi's despair. They seemed familiar with vicious treatment. This is why I was so impressed and grateful to hear "Sarah Silverman's "Message to America on Gay Suicide." With just a few words, Ms. Silverman made it all too clear why America's gay youth are harassed:
"Dear America,
When you tell gay Americans that they can't serve their country openly or marry the person that they love, you're telling that to kids, too. So don't be fucking shocked and wondering where all these bullies are coming from that are torturing young kids and driving them to kill themselves because they're different. They learned it from watching you."

Sarah Silverman's compelling message about discrimination was made all the more chilling just a few weeks later when President Obama chose to fight the court ruling that threw out Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Even though President Obama has claimed to oppose the anti-gay military policy, he is choosing to fight for it to remain in place. He says the better place to dispose of Don't Ask, Don't Tell is in the courts—even though the Pentagon seems happy to suspend its enforcement and even though more than half the country opposes the policy (according to the latest Pew Research poll). One of my in-laws is a decorated Army officer who has served in Iraq. He is straight and says he does not care if gays serve openly. "A soldier's a soldier," he says.

Perhaps an even better argument against President Obama's resistance to overturning DADT can be found in the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. In his famous "Letter from Birmingham Jail" Dr. King criticizes those who cry "wait" to Americans seeking swift action against unjust laws. Dr. King's greatest disappointment is in those who should know better. "Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection."

Homophobia in women's athletics

One of the great tragedies in lesbian culture is homophobia in women's athletics. Athletics is the one place in society where young women are celebrated for being physically strong (and with each other, no less), and, therefore, there is the accompanying heterosexist pressure to feminize them and make them attractive to men. For example, look at this promotional photo for Texas A&M women's basketball. Looks like a strip club advertisement.
I have no doubt that any lesbian who has spent any time involved with organized sports can attest to the fact that homophobia in women's athletics is acutely present and especially destructive due to a mix of factors, including:
• Sports is often the only safe haven available to young lesbians (or perhaps tomboy girls who have not yet developed a sexual identity) where their unfeminine manners and physical strength and speed are celebrated. But this safe haven is yanked away from these young athletes when they are inevitably given a direct or indirect message that lesbians are not celebrated—and are, in fact, rejected.
• Sports is where young lesbians often find their only confidence-boosting experience. If the arena in which you built your self-esteem during adolescence becomes the very place from which you receive the strongest anti-gay message during post-puberty, the destruction of your self-esteem is almost inescapable.
• Sports is where young lesbians often develop their first crush—often on a coach or teammate. A first crush is a special thing in anyone's development. But for young lesbians on sports teams, the message usually is: "It's wrong." I actually had a coach in high school who, when referring to gays, said, "Take 'em in the back yard and shoot 'em." Inexplicably, I had a crush on this coach. And I'm happy to say that part of me believed she was revealing her own pitiful closeted self-loathing. But, you know, I was also only 16, so the clearest message I received was that being gay was something to be hated. I was expected to hate myself. Thankfully, I have a rebellious streak, and I was like, hell no. But many young lesbians are not as fortunate.

As an adolescent and teenager, my primary sports were basketball and field hockey. A highlight of my middle school years was attending summer basketball camp for girls, where I was coached by women who played for top college teams. In high school I played three varsity sports. I was no where near good enough to play at the Division I university I attended as an undergrad (however, I did play racquetball on the club team, and I have a distinct memory of getting my ass kicked badly when we played the gals from West Point.) In all these settings, there were a lot of lesbians. And in none of these settings did I ever receive one positive message about being a lesbian.
I recently saw an important film that documents the destructive force homophobia has played in women's athletics. "Training Rules" by Dee Mosbacher examines the infuriating policies of discrimination practiced without restraint for thirty years at Penn State under women's basketball coach Rene Portland. Her training rules? No drinking. No drugs. No lesbians. Coach Portland's ban on lesbians wreaked destruction on the lives of young women under her guidance. The film will make your blood boil, but it will also make you proud of the brave women who faced Portland's wrath and either walked away, endured, or—finally—stood up for justice.

Liberty and justice for all — now available in five states, plus DC

Congratulations to these lovely lesbians who appeared on the front page of The New York Times this morning. Cuc Vu, left, and her partner of 20 years, Gwen Migita, applied for a marriage license in DC on the day the nation's capital legalized same-sex marriage. Vu told the Times that she was born in Vietnam and has been a US citizen for more than 10 years. “But," she said, "this is really the first time that I feel like I have the full rights and benefits of citizenship." Washington, D.C. joins the civilized company of Massachusetts, Vermont, Connecticut, New Hampshire, and Iowa as the only places in the nation where same-sex couples can marry.

Let me take this opportunity to remind everyone that even the most hardline ruthless conservative hawk war monger you can think of (I assume you have conjured an image of Dick Cheney) supports gay marriage. So if Dick Cheney supports gay marriage, why haven't all the right wing automatons fallen in line? Huffington Post writer Jason Linkins has expressed it this way: Upon hearing conservatives criticize big lesbian daughter Mary Cheney becoming a parent, Linkins wrote: "It underscores my bafflement that anyone would dare cross Cheney in this regard, because, dude... he will mess you up." Cheney stated his views on gay marriage very clearly to the National Press Club last year: "I think people ought to be free to enter into any kind of union they wish. Any kind of arrangement they wish." The fine print is that he does not support a federal law, but instead says it's a matter for states to decide. His support of gay marriage is a departure from George W. Bush, who shamefully supported an amendment to the Constitution to ban gay marriage. His support of gay marriage is also perhaps the only example of Cheney being more progressive than Barack Obama. When you find yourself to the right of Dick Cheney on an issue, Mr. President, it is time to revise your position.

Massachusetts challenges constitutionality of DOMA in name of 16,000 married same-sex couples

Massachusetts Attorney General Martha Coakley recently filed a lawsuit in United States District Court challenging the constitutionality of the federal Defense of Marriage Act, also known as DOMA. DOMA defines marriage as a union between one man and one woman and therefore excludes more than 16,000 Massachusetts married same-sex couples from certain federal rights.

Coakley's suit (no, not her hot lady suit—the lawsuit) alleges that DOMA, which affects more than 1,100 federal statutory provisions, violates the United States Constitution by interfering with the Commonwealth’s sovereign authority to define and regulate the marital status of its residents.

According to Coakley's press release, six states – Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, Maine and New Hampshire – currently permit, or will soon permit, qualified, committed same-sex couples to obtain marriage licenses.

In addition, California continues to honor the marriage licenses that were extended to over 18,000 same-sex couples prior to the passage of Proposition 8. Two other states, New York and Rhode Island, as well as the District of Columbia honor marriages between same-sex couples that are celebrated in Massachusetts. Seven states – California, Nevada, Hawaii, New Jersey, Washington, Wisconsin and Oregon – recognize domestic partnerships or civil unions between same-sex couples.

Twenty-nine other states have enacted what are commonly called mini-DOMAs, which ban marriage between couples of the same sex.

Coakley said on July 8, 2009: “DOMA affects residents of Massachusetts in very real and very negative ways by depriving access to important economic safety nets and other protections that couples count on when they marry and that help them to take care of one another and their families. DOMA also directly and fundamentally interferes with Massachusetts’s right as a state sovereign to determine the marital status of its residents.”

DOMA was enacted in 1996 in anticipation of the possibility that Hawaii might license marriages between same-sex couples.

Oppressed people cannot remain oppressed forever

Forty years ago, on June 27, 1969, the gay liberation movement began when police raided the Stonewall Inn, a gay bar in Sheridan Square in New York City's Greenwich Village. On that night, gay people fought back.

According to a New York Times article published on June 29, 1969, police chased more than 200 men into the street at 3 a.m., and a crowd of 400 quickly gathered. More than a dozen were arrested in the riot, and the gay rights movement was born. The Columbia Universities Libraries has a valuable online exhibition, Stonewall and Beyond: Lesbian and Gay Culture, featuring newspaper clippings, interviews, and contemporary queer scholarship.

How far have we come in 40 years? Depends on where you live and where you work. If you live in Massachusetts, you have the legal right to marry. If you serve in the U.S. Military, you will be fired from your job.

President Obama has not yet honored his very specific campaign promise to end the discriminatory and ineffective Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy, which prohibits gays and lesbians from serving in the military. Nonetheless, he seems to be trying to reach out to the LGBT community. The President and First Lady hosted a LGBT Pride Month reception at the White House on June 29. But nice White House receptions are not enough.

I hope President Obama will heed the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. in King's famous 1963 work, "Letter from Birmingham Jail." They ring true when you think of the Stonewall rioters of 1969, and they ring true today as gay and lesbian Americans are tired of waiting for full civil rights.

King wrote: "We know through painful experience that freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed... For years now I have heard the word 'Wait!' ... This 'Wait' has almost always meant 'Never.' We must come to see, with one of our distinguished jurists, that 'justice too long delayed is justice denied.' ... We have waited for more than 340 years for our constitutional and God given rights... Oppressed people cannot remain oppressed forever."

Rachel Maddow: 'It's Better To Be Out'

Our beloved big ole lesbian tomboy Rachel Maddow has encouraged all gay folks to come out. She made the appeal during an interview on Charlie Rose on June 18. The final two minutes of the 24-minute interview were dedicated to “the sexuality issue,” as Charlie phrased it. Rachel explained that coming out is “a different degree of traumatic for everybody,” but, nonetheless, she implied that we must be brave because she said being out is better for the individual and ethically right for the community. Maddow, 36, says she came out at age 17, which means she's been out for 19 years. So, as usual, Dr. Maddow knows what she's talking about.

The entire interview is worth watching, but, for the extra busy lesbians among us, The Sapphist Gazetteer, a master typist, has transcribed the gay bits for you:

Charlie: Was the sexuality issue ever an issue?

Rachel: I wish that I had figured it out earlier than I did.

Charlie: How did you figure it out?

Rachel: I just sort of arrived at it through rational deduction. [Laughs] I literally woke up one day and was, like, ‘Oh, that’s what’s been going on.’ [Snaps fingers and laughs]

Charlie: Was it easy?

Rachel: No. Coming out both to oneself and to one’s family is a different degree of traumatic for everybody. It wasn’t easy. I figured it out when I was about 17, and I wish I’d figured it out earlier. But I am glad; I’m happy for the decision to come out publicly very soon after I figured it out myself. So my time as a closeted person, which I think is a pretty awful place to be, was a very, very short period of time in my life, and for that I’m grateful.

Charlie: And that is the advice you give to every gay person, or do you say, ‘Everybody, find your own way.”?

Rachel: Find your own way, but it is better to be out than to be closeted. And I can say that in terms of quality of life, and in terms of what is ethically right for your community. It is better for other gay people if you’re out. The more people that come out, the better. And so that’s the only thing that I encourage anybody to do, and I certainly live that.