They Said What?

Just starting to turn the engine over on the AFC Championship Game build up, I thought I'd post some links and quotes from out of town or national analysts on both the Steelers victory and the Jets victory. On with it.

Here's what people were saying after the Steelers came back to beat the Ravens:

From Peter King at SI:

That it was. In a cruel twist that will hurt coach John Harbaugh and GM Ozzie Newsome even more when they realize it, the nobody rookies for the Steelers beat the rich free-agents for the Ravens. Anquan Boldin, the $8 million receiver acquired from Arizona last spring, caught one ball for minus-two yards. Veteran T.J. Houshmandzadeh dropped what would have been a fourth-down conversion pass from Joe Flacco with 63 seconds to go and Baltimore trailing 31-24. "I can't believe it happened,'' a stunned Houshmandzadeh said later. "I can't ever recall dropping the ball when the team needed me. It's almost like it's not real.''

Inexcusable on both counts, those two guys coming up so small ... and Flacco (an underwhelming 16 of 30 with two turnovers) and Ray Rice (a crucial fumble) helping the collapse.

From Gene Wojciechowski at ESPN.com:

The Steelers didn't fold. They unfolded. For the first 30 minutes they played like they were still on a bye week, but then came the playoff smelling salts.

"I think both teams think they can impose their will," said Farrior. "We always believe we can do that. It's a little tough when Baltimore thinks it can do the same thing.''

Thinking and doing are two different things. You could see it in the Ravens' body language. You even could see it in the Heinz Field press box, where members of the Ravens' front office, including general manager Ozzie Newsome, spent much of the second half shaking their heads in disbelief, burying their heads in their hands, slamming tabletops (not Newsome, by the way), and delivering loud, exasperated sighs.

From Peter Schmuck at the Baltimore Sun:

Who knows why fate frowns at certain times, but it made a very ugly face at the Ravens at that point. Ray Rice hadn't fumbled all year, but he exposed the ball and the turnaround began. Joe Flacco, who is known for his cool demeanor under pressure, suddenly looked like a guy desperately trying to make up a big deficit instead of a guy trying to protect a lead. You saw what happened.

It would be easy to throw this all on Flacco for making two turnovers on consecutive possessions, but it wouldn't be fair. Just about everybody the Ravens depend on to make an offensive play failed — at some point — to make the kind of play that good playoff teams make. And you can't just look at this game in a vacuum

The Ravens have been doing this kind of thing, in one form or another, throughout this strange (and sometimes wonderful) season. It hasn't been a failure of the offense, though the offense certainly seemed to play well below the potential ascribed to it after the arrival of quality receivers Anquan Boldin, T.J. Houshmandzadeh and Donte' Stallworth. There were defensive breakdowns, too, though the defense certainly carried the team to the threshold of what would have been a huge and potentially historic victory on Saturday.

From Kevin Van Valkenberg at the Baltimore Sun:

3. The Ravens still have issues at wide receiver. And it may be time to cut ties with a few of them.

Derrick Mason looked old against the Steelers. He couldn't get separation all game, and despite being targeted several times, he didn't catch a pass for the first time all year. T.J. Houshmandzadeh and Anquan Boldin dropped key passes when their team desperately needed them to make a play. Donte' Stallworth was a non factor all year, including Saturday.

Wasn't this supposed to be the best receiving corps in the league?

What they were saying about the Jets huge upset of the Patriots:

From Don Banks at SI:

Remarkably enough, the 6-seeded Jets are one of four NFL teams still in that particular hunt, and it's not an overstatement to say Ryan is clearly the biggest reason why. Love him or loathe him, Ryan gave his team the difference-making edge on Sunday with a defensive game plan that left Tom Brady and the high-flying Patriots befuddled and off-balance for most of the day.

It was a masterful performance by the Jets, and player after player in the New York locker room gave credit to Ryan and his ability to disguise New York's pass coverages and create the schemes that brought consistent pressure on Brady.

From Jason Whitlock as FoxSports:

Trailing 7-3 with 74 seconds left in the half and facing fourth and 4 at the New England 38, Belichick called for a fake punt. Defensive back Patrick Chung dropped the direct snap and the Jets tackled him for a 1-yard loss.

The Jets capitalized, scoring a quick TD to take a commanding 11-point lead.

The fake was ignorant. There was no reason to force anything at that point. The Pats were getting the second-half kickoff. New England panicked. The alleged “smartest” team in football played a dumb football game.

From Mike Freeman at CBSSportsline:

The Jets are what happens when fearlessness has a one-night stand with cockiness.

The Jets couldn't help themselves, in the end, taunting and talking on their way to the AFC title game against Pittsburgh. They left with a metaphorical middle finger raised high to the critics while simultaneously embracing an almost metaphysical belief in themselves. Would you expect them to be any other way? Would you want them to be any other way?

The Jets talk. And they talk. And they talk until their throats are dry and everyone is tired of hearing from them. But the Jets also back up that talk with action. There was no greater example of this than Tom Brady being sacked five times. Or looking frustrated. Or hands on hips. Or cursing at himself on the bench.

From Tim Graham at ESPN.com:

There will be a crow shortage in butcher shops across the country. I'm eating mine with a little Caribbean jerk sauce as I write this. It's a bit gamey.

With conviction, I wrote and said on television and radio throughout the past week the Jets would not win. Like so many of you, I was certain the Patriots would smack them around. Sure, I gave conciliatory analysis on how the Jets could win: dominate on the ground, dominate on third downs and Jeff Gillooly kneecapping Tom Brady during the national anthem.

But as I mentioned in my weekly AFC East chat, people in their right mind couldn't predict the Jets to win Sunday after watching them get razed in Week 13.

Not even Jets icon Joe Namath could bring himself to pick the Jets.

From Bob Ryan at the Boston Globe:

What do you say when you are whipped, fair and square? What do you say when there are no freaky happenings, when there are no loose ends, when there are no overtly bad calls, when the other team makes the big plays when it has to and stops you when you need to make some of your own?

What do you say when the other team does exactly what it wants to do and there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it? What do you say when the other coach runs his mouth and his team backs him up? What do you say when a verbose rival gets to keep playing and you must pack up and go home, beaten, 28-21, on the field where you hadn’t lost a game all season?
...
Of course, the main reason the Patriots fell down in the execution was the play of the Jets. Brady looked comfortable only on rare occasions, the best example an eight-play, 80-yard drive that, combined with a direct snap 2-point conversion by Sammy Morris, got them within 3 points at 14-11 late in the third period. But that was the exception on a late afternoon/early evening when he was sacked five times, harassed into many ugly incompletions, and even threw his first interception in two months. The coverage of the Jets defensive backs was positively brilliant.

From Greg Bishop at the New York Times:

Momentum, conventional wisdom and common sense pointed toward the Patriots. They had the league’s best quarterback (Brady), best coach (Bill Belichick) and, according to many pundits, best team. Brady had just led them down the field for a touchdown and 2-point conversion.

Yet it was Sanchez who took over the fourth quarter, who found receiver Jerricho Cotchery for 58 yards, who lobbed a perfect 7-yard fade that receiver Santonio Holmes caught in the corner of the end zone. Holmes landed his right knee inbounds, then his left foot, as an official’s arms extended toward the sky.

The Jets led, improbably, 21-11. All their bluster, threats and name-calling had been backed up.

Do NFL Teams Really Need to Stretch the Field?

Every year, the Great Gene Collier hands out his Trite Trophy for the most ubiquitous or annoying (or both) cliche in sports. Past winners have included well-known trite-isms that were so pervasive we just adopted them into the common parlance without even noticing: Smashmouth Football, Gut Check, Crunch Time, West Coast Offense, and Red Zone, a term so insidiously pervasive that we even have a cable channel named after it.

These represent trite cliches, but they often hint at something deeper, start to peel back the protective layer of sports talking head-isms to reveal the fickle zeitgeist of the NFL, unexamined truisms thoughtlessly bandied about as though they were proven principals of physics.

This year, the talking heads all assert this inalienable truth: you must have a deep passing threat to stretch the defense. They say it as though it's a conclusion, like gravity holds you to the earth or something.

If you don't have this essential "deep threat" on your NFL team, you are doomed. Yea verily, frogs and lizards will rain down upon your city, children will find internet porn and atavistic miscreants will roam the streets kicking puppies and knocking over old ladies.

I don't buy it. I don't buy it because it contains some truth, but not all truth. It is unexamined nattering and, as such, needs to be aired out to see if it flies.

About half of the 10 receivers with catches of more than 20 yard are on legitimate playoff contenders. The other half ... well, not so much. Brandon Lloyd of Denver has 18 catches of 20+ yards, but the Broncos are a woeful 3-6, good for last in a very weak AFC West. The Pokes' Miles Austin has 11 catches of 20+ yards and we all know about all the big drama in Big D. TO has 12 such catches, but the Bungles aren't going anywhere except near the top of the draft class. Again. Andre Johnson also has 11 long catches, but the Houston Texans are doing their usual trick -- promising this will be the breakthrough year, but ending up with a record of 8-8. Again. Like they always do.

The fact is, about half the receivers who lead in this category play for non-contenders and the other half play for legit contenders. So: Deep threat? Kind of important.

There are so many other things more valuable than the much drooled over deep threat: an accurate quarterback, a defensive line that can pressure the quarterback, an offensive line that can control games, a shut-down corner, a coaching staff that knows how to manage the clock and on and on. Sure, it's nice to have a speed guy like DeSean Jackson or Mike Wallace. If nothing else, they are just fun to watch, running gazelle-like, the length of the field, a veritable blur on the screen.

But I'm not sure it contributes as much to winning as these other, harder to pin down elements of the game.

Here's a stat that reveals something about the defensive line -- fewest total yard surrendered. The Giants, Jets, Saints, Raiders, Steelers, Ravens, Bears and Eagles are all in the top 10 in that category. The only teams in the top 10 without winning records are the Vikes and the Chargers. Eight teams (nine if you include San Diego) fighting for division crowns rank in the top 10 in fewest yards surrendered.

Sticking with the defense, these teams are all in the top ten in fewest points allowed per game: Bears, Packers, Jets, Saints, Steelers, Ravens, Falcons, Titans. Again, only two teams made the top ten in this stat who are pretty well out of contention for the division crown, the Browns and the Rams (although, both of those teams are much, much improved.)

But it's not just defense, it's other things. As important as the offensive line is, sadly, there are no stats kept for pancake blocks or providing a comfortable passing pocket. But if the offensive line protects the quarterback, it's reasonable to assume he'll be able to do things on the field like convert third downs. The top 10 teams that convert on third down most successfully? You're looking at a list of teams planning on making some playoff money: Falcons, Saints, Eagles, Bucs, Pats, Colts, Ravens. (The interlopers on this list? Chargers, although, again, they're certainly not dead, the Dolphins and the Texans.)

Staying with the offensive line, the top 10 teams who have allowed the fewest sacks include: Giants, Colts, Pats, Jets, Saints, Falcons, Ravens. Allowing very few sacks indicates a good offensive line, but it also can indicate a quarterback who gets rid of the ball quickly, thus avoiding sacks. If the QB is waiting for the deep route to open up, he's probably hanging in the pocket a bit longer than a guy who is dumping the ball off for a 8 yard gain and a first down, thus risking a sack.

Maybe a look at recent Super Bowl winners will reveal something.

If a deep threat were so essential, the Patriots wouldn't have won three Super Bowls. The 2001, 2003 and 2004 versions of the New England Patriots were able to just crush teams under the drip, drip, drip of their short passing game. Not the deep threat, mind you, but the slow burn short game.

The defensive line of the 2007 Giants were a major factor in winning their Super Bowl. Basically, they won by beating up Tom Brady.

The 2006 Colts won because they had the best offensive line in football (and, rightfully, the MVP for that game should have been awarded to the entire line - or Jeff Saturday - rather than King Peyton.)

The 2002 Buccaneers (and their opponents, the Rich Gannon led Raiders) were short passing masters.

If it were absolutely crucial to have a terrifying deep threat, Randy Moss would have six rings. And yet, he has zero.

I'm not saying that having a deep threat is going to prevent you from winning. Certainly not. But the importance of the deep threat is being mightily overstated these days by the nattering nabobs of NFL booths.

Patriots Thump Steelers. Some Things Never Change

It's a crazy NFL season. Everybody says so. There are no 2006 Colts, no 2007 Patriots and no 2009 Saints. This seems to bother the talking heads quite a bit. I suspect it's because they can't just jump on a bandwagon and stay there. One week the Jets look dominant and the next they look like chumps. One week the Giants look like they've rounded back into 2007 form, and then next week they lay a stinker against the Cowboys (of all teams.)

Every one of the teams that look like contenders have laid at least one huge turd this year. Even the best teams are flawed. It's a crazy, upside-down NFL season, up for grabs for any of a dozen or so teams, but some things never seem to change.

Like the Tom Brady ass-whipping the Steelers. That never seems to change. The Steelers can, when they are on their game, beat 30 other teams in the NFL, but not the Patriots. At least not the Patriots when Brady is under center.

Patriots 39, Steelers 26.

I've seen this movie before. And I hated it the first half-dozen times I suffered through it. Two thumbs down. Way, Way down.

January 27, 2002: Patriots 24, Steelers 17.

September 9, 2002: Patriots 30, Steelers 14. In a game that looked eerily like last night's.

October 31, 2004: Steelers 34, Patriots 20. Yeah, I liked that one. I was hoping we'd see more like that.

January 23, 2005: Patriots 41, Steelers 27. Worse than the 2001 loss? Maybe it's a toss-up. They both sucked.

December 9, 2007: Patriots 34, Steelers 13.

Do I really have to go on? The 2008 game doesn't count because there was no Brady.

There is no NFL team I hate more than Evil Hoodie and his Patriots. This is well documented. Ironically, there is no team that the Steelers lose to like they do the Patriots. Oh, sure, sure, they drop a game to the Colts here and there. And split games with divisional rivals. It's gonna happen. Especially in division.

In hacker speak, Brady just owns them. When he comes to Pittsburgh, he should wear a t-shirt that reads "Because I'm the Daddy. That's why."

QB ratings are really not exact, and require complex logarithms calculate, but while they are not perfect, they do give you some idea of how effective a quarterback has been in a game, in a season, or against a certain team. Brady's played the Steelers six times in his career. The average of all of those six ratings gives him a lifetime QB rating against the Steelers of 106.7. That's really good, people.

A couple of years ago, the Patriots played in a little game against the Giants. No big deal or anything, it was just Super Bowl XLII, so maybe you saw it or heard about it. The Giants toppled the behemoth Patriots and they did it by hitting Brady. Then hitting him some more. They collapsed the pocket and took away a comfortable place for him to plant and throw. And then they hit him some more. It was an veritable instruction manual for beating Tom Brady.

The Steelers didn't hit him last night hardly at all. He could probably wear that game jersey again next week without even laundering it. Brady in a comfortable pocket = death. It's that simple. I don't care who your DB's or linebackers are, but if you give he of the Justin Beiber hair (formerly of the tiny hipster hat) time, he will carve you up like a Thanksgiving turkey. And so he did.

As to last night's mess on the offensive side for the Steelers, there are plenty of reasons for the dysfunction. Heck, most of the starting offensive line has no business starting an NFL game. I'm not sure I've seen a guard have a worse game than Trai Essex did, and except for Hotel Flozell and the magnificent rookie Maurkice Pouncey, they were all taken to the woodshed most of the night. The Steelers never did establish any kind of offensive rhythm and without Hines Ward in there, Pig Ben had no safety blanket in the redzone. (Has there ever been a worse redzone offense than this iteration of the Steelers? Maybe like the Rich Kotite Jets or something, but this is an historically inept team when they get the ball inside the 10.)

So, what does this Patriots mastery over the Steelers mean for right now, today? Is it a blip, just more of the same? The Steelers can beat everybody but Brady, so they can right the ship and hope to not see the Pats in the playoffs? It's possible, right? Right?!

Or, is this loss the tipping point, just the beginning of the another second half swoon like the one we saw last year?

Mishaps to Root for in the 2009 NFL Season

From True/Slant on September 10, 2009:

Mishaps, Mayhem and Misery to Actively Root for in the NFL Season


The 2009 NFL season is full bore upon us, full of predictions, power rankings, prevarications, prognostications and pretenders. Predictions? Always wrong. Power Rankings? Feh. Like the Grinch, I’m looking for the negative, reveling in anticipation of potential failures. Here are some massive miscues I’m hoping for:

1. The New England Patriots come back to earth. Patriots fans rationalize last year’s 11-5 record reflected one thing and one thing only: Tom Brady on the IR. The man who looks as comfortable on a runway at Fashion Week as he is on a gridiron, the modelizer in chief with the Hollywood good looks and silly hipster hats is back.

But will it really catapult New England back to the top of the pecking order?

Personally, I hope GQ Tom is healthy — no excuses from beantown this year. I wonder about the rest of the team. The offensive line, once a perfect stonewall around Giselle’s hubby, shows cracks and it’s possible his uni may get a wee dirty from time to time. The defense has lost too many players to count and is weak against the pass.

Meanwhile, sneaky Bill Belichick seems less evil. He used to be positively Cheney-esque and I honestly think opposing coaches caved against him for fear that he would reach down their throats and eat their still beating hearts at the 50 yard line. But between tearing up at Tedy Bruschi’s retirement and even occasionally smiling at training camp, Head Hoodie seems almost human.

2. The Minnesota Vikings get a big bite in the ass from Lady Karma. With all the coaching talent out there, with Bill Cowher, Brian Billick, Tony Dungy and Mike Shanahan out of work, and given the success of the bright young guys like Mike Tomlin, Ken Whisenhunt and John Harbaugh, I find it hard to imagine how the Vikings organization reflected and said, “Yeah, Brad Childress. He’s the guy to take this team to the next level and get us that elusive Lombardi Trophy. Yuppers.” As a southern friend of mine used to say, rilly?

This off-season, Childress created a bidding war against himself for the services of Brett Favre by publicly slavering over the 40 year old interception king. (Hey, I actually like Favre, so this is no knock on him). Childress obsessed like one of those adolescent girls fixated on the “Twilight” books. He begged and pleaded. He called. And called. And called. He had to have Favre; couldn’t win without Favre; it all came down to mighty Brett Favre. Then, with the evanescent Favre secured and cloaked in Minnesota purple, Childress sent his irreplacable QB out in a wildcat formation, whereupon the elder indispensable man committed an illegal crackback block, injuring Texans DB, Eugene Wilson in the process. In a meaningless pre-season game. The league fined Favre $10,000 for the hit. They should have fined Childress. $50,000 for being a dickhead.

3. The only thing worse that the Head Hoodie in New England is Hoodie Lite, Josh McDaniels, in Denver. He’s got all of the ego and none of the substance. McDaniels has alienated not only the fans, but his entire team in record speed. A petulant child with a multi-million dollar arm Jay Cutler may be, but he knew the Broncos ship was sinking the minute the ersatz Bellichick arrived in town.

To paraphrase Joan Cusack: just because I wear a hoodie with the sleeves cut off and draw up defenses on a legal pad doesn’t make me Bill Bellichick. Never will.

4. Presenting: Jerry Jones and his amazing punt-blocking videoscreens! Okay, so Jones spent $1.2 billion to build a new stadium and he wanted every bell and whistle available, and even a few whistles that hadn’t been invented yet. So he sent his minions into the future and they came back with a Deathstar sized HD videoscreen to suspend over the field. So fans could see the game without actually looking at the field in front of them where the Cowboys will actually play the games. I know Jones was trying to create an amazing multi-media, all-out visual and aural assault on every synapse in the brain of every fan in the stands. He was going for a wow factor beyond mere football and while it’s not my style, I kinda get it.

It was all grand until a jabeep free agent punter for Tennessee doinked a punt off the undercarriage of the videoboard. Not the regular punter for the Titans, mind you, nor in a regular season game. It was a free agent destined to for the slag heap who hit the videoboard. Jerr’Jones’ response? “Ah, that’ll never happen during a regular season game.” Really? Well, in case it does, the league has allowed for a do-over and I am fervently praying that we see at least a dozen balls bounce off that thing this season.

5. Little Danny Snyder’s crash and burn. He’s obnoxious, he’s cocky, he hangs out with Tom Cruise (which is just gross enough without continuing), and he never met an overpriced free-agent he didn’t like. This year, Snyder’s front office sued a little old lady long-time Redskins season-ticket holder who has fallen on hard economic times and couldn’t pay for her season tickets through the life of the contract.

Yes, I know she was legally obligated. I get it. But the Redskins could very easily have let Granny out of her contract and sold that seat license to somebody else two minutes later. Unless the speculation the once legendary Redskins season ticket wait list has evaporated as a result of Snyder’s mismanagement and general assholery is true.

Whatever the case of the mysterious waiting list, this incident demonstrates little Danny Snyder’s modus operandi. Let’s face it, he spends more over Sunday coffee than the default judgement (about $66,000) against the sad sack Granny. The team was well within the law to pursue a judgment, but did they have to? They honestly couldn’t come up with any other solution? I find it hard to believe that the franchise would go freaking bankrupt with out this old broad’s money.

I like Clinton Portis, Jason Campbell, Cornelius Griffin and H.B. Blades. I have long admired Redskins fans — the Hogs, “Hail to the Redskins” and the way that the old RFK used to shake from ground to rafters when the fans really got going. Still, I hope they go 0-16 and we get to see vile little Danny cry like Cindy Brady in the owner’s box.

Can I Get a Shot (on Net)?

It finally happened. I knew it would. I'm not sleeping well following Penguins games. Tuesday morning, I was grumpy, still cranky from the Penguins' game two loss against the Washington Capitals and grumpier still from my fitful sleep, having spent the 4:00 a.m. witching hour turning the game over, shift by shift, rather than enjoying the warm embrace of my beloved friend, sleep. I sometimes have this problem following Steelers games and it always seems to happen after a Steelers - Patriots tilt.

I don't want to even say where this thought has led me. Perhaps the utter uselessness of Evgeni Malkin and Sergei Gonchar planted this sick lump in the pit of my stomach. More likely, the Washington Caps were the culprits. Two games into the second round of the Eastern Conference playoffs, I'm seeing some unsettling similarities between the 2009 Caps and the 2001 New England Patriots, minus the cheating, of course.

The Capitals. The Patriots. Huh? Red, White and Blue. Ya follow?

Plus, both franchises have coaches I don't trust. It's hardly necessary to re-visit Bill Belichick's transgressions, but there's something I just don't like about beady-eyed Caps coach Bruce Boudreau. Perhaps it's his striking resemblance to Sidney Greenstreet in The Maltese Falcon. Every time I see him behind the bench, I can't help but say, "Now, sir. We'll talk, if you like. I'll tell you right out, I am a man who likes talking to a man who likes to talk." Who trusts Sydney Greenstreet?!

Each team has bandwagon jumping fans who never gave two hoots about "their" franchise until: the arrival of a true superstar in the case of the Caps; or the arrival of a Lombardi Trophy in the case of the Pats. Does the difference matter? Not really. Every season of my hockey viewing life up until the 2007-2008 season, the crowd noise in Washington was deafening when the Penguins went there. Of course, the noise was generated by Pittsburgh fans who took over the joint. Shameful. Now the beltway hockey neophytes all sport brand new Ovechkin jerseys as they waive purchased rather than homemade signs, and taunt inappropriately. Here's a handy tip for DC fans, don't chant "Crosby" when he's not even on the ice. Philly fans may be coarse, they may be rude, they may be jerks, but they are at least knowledgeable hockey fans. It's freaking embarrassing.

Still, the similarities don’t end there. Shift for shift, the Pens have played right there with the Caps. In fact, I'd say that they've outplayed them on a lot of shifts, so much so that they have played long stretches of the first two games planted right in front of goalie Simeon Varlamov. I think it's even fair to say that the Capitals haven't had as many opportunities as the Penguins, but when they have had them, they've capitalized (if you'll pardon the phraseology.) Just like those Patriots, they keep hanging around, hanging around, keeping it close and then, bam, one little mis-step and it's over.

These Caps seem to understand something that those Pats teams understood: it's not simply that you score, it's when you score. In the third period, the Pens went on the PP when Milan Jurcina went to the box for interfering with Malkin. Pffffft. That is just what the Pens PP did. Pfffft. And then literally, as Jurcina came out of the penalty box, Malkin was sent to the box for the stupidest case of tripping seen since the Three Stooges were still working.

That Caps Power Play? They don't piss around. Malkin hadn’t even had time to pick up a water bottle in the penalty box when Ovechkin planted the puck in the laces behind Marc-Andre Fluery four seconds in. Four seconds. You could pretty much see the life drain out of the Penguins. Except for Mr. Crosby.

Does that mean I think the Penguins are snakebit? That they are accursed, destined to suffer the same fate as our 2001 and 2004 Pittsburgh Steelers? Not by a long shot, but some things have got to change if they intend to counter-punch their way back into this series.

Not to overstate the obvious, but if you hadn’t noticed, the power play unit isn’t producing. It pains me to say this, but I have to lay a good bit of the blame for this PP pickle at the skates of Gonchar. I see Gonchar lollygagging behind the net on defense, I see him lollygagging at the point on the power play, I see him lollygagging through the neutral zone, I see him lollygagging while he dumps and chases the puck. What's that make him? A lollygagger.

I like to joke that he's a lazy communist, but the fact is, he may be too worn out to run the PP, given the fact that he plays more minutes than any other player. Monday night he played more than 27 minutes. Nobody even comes close to his on ice time, not even the magnificent Crosby. (Just as a reference, using game two's stats only, Crosby had over 22 minutes of ice time, while Bill Guerin, Brooks Orpik, Rob Scuderi and Evgeni Malkin played over 19 minutes, each. That's pretty much how it plays out regularly, so it's a fair barometer.)

Given those numbers and the fact that Gonchar is 35 years old, it's completely understandable that he's too gassed to run the PP effectively. I get it. That doesn't make the pallid power play passable, however. The Pens have been dumping and chasing and dumping and chasing. They play up against the boards and just pass around the perimeter, and pass, and pass. They generate just one or two legitimate shots on net at a time when there is just no substitute for actual, you know, shots on goal. A little urgency would be helpful.

So, there are two options. Either use Gonchar less and demand more from Scuderi, Orpik, Kris Letang, Mark Eaton and Hal Gill on their defensive shifts. Or have somebody else with more fuel in his motor out there quarterbacking the power play. (I prefer the former option because now is hardly the time to revisit the putritude of the Pens power play in Gonchar's absence earlier this season.)

The other issue is that nobody besides #87 is doing much of anything and, yes, #71, I am looking at you. Malkin's got a big time slapshot, a big time one-timer, and a big time wrister. Those shots may not quite match the the velocity of Ovechkin's lasers, but they can give you a close shave, too. He sure picked one helluva time to go into witness protection.

So this is for Geno: just because Ovechkin grew up the child of an Olympian in Moscow and you grew up in the Russian equivalent of Turtle Creek (that's pronounced ‘turtle crick’ by the locals), doesn't make him better than you. Big stars play big in big games and they don't get much bigger than this, my vodka swilling friend. So start peppering that puck on net.

Maybe Malkin and Gonchar should have a couple of shots of Smirnoff before the game? Or maybe I should. It might help my sleep.